I told a friend not to long ago that I had the perfect life before I became pregnant. I knew that life could be hard. I had experienced it first hand, but nothing like this. In the back of my head I would ask myself (more often than not) when my house of cards would fall. I knew that there would be one thing that would cripple me. One thing that would bring my world down around me.
That thing was Lunden. To be a mother to a child like her is heartbreaking. Everyday I am overcome with how I can make her life better. I lay in bed and ask myself how people can believe in something like a God when they are handed a baby like this. I’m heartbroken. For months David and I have been wondering why Lunden wakes up every night around 12:30 to 2 a.m. Every single night we are annoyed. This past week I learned why as I was up with her. She is having seizures. I know because she was up with me already around that time and I would see her. I would feel her in my arms struggling to gain control of herself again. Sometimes she would bite her tongue. Other nights she would cry out. Tonight as she laid in my arms I cried for her. Because being the mother of a child like this can break you. I decided tonight that it is not going to break me. I can do this. I have to do this.
It really hit me tonight that I have to do this (as if I wouldn’t). I have to do it well because if I don’t who will?
Sorry to get so heavy after being gone so long. It just had to come out.